“The Power of Attachment” by Diane Poole Heller examines the four attachment styles that we fall into and how they play out in our adult significant relationships. She dedicates an entire to the, as she calls it “attachment adaptations;” secure, avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized. Each chapter is full of clear descriptions, origins of the style from childhood, vignettes, and exercises. Most of the exercises have a visualization component to them. The last chapter describes what a securely attached couple exhibits as well as how to work with the insecure styles to create more security.
“We’re hardwired for secure attachment, we have the equipment. Deep down, all of us are designed for intimacy, connection, awareness, and love.”
I’ve previous read “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment” and really enjoyed the content. After reading this one, I prefer it over the other, although, Heller references the work of the authors in “Attached” many times. I preferred this one as it goes deeper into the origins of the attachment styles and explores “disorganized attachment” whereas the previous book did not. I feel as if the exercises in this book will give the reader tangible ways to find more security in relationships as well as hope. Heller seems to be very mindful of not boxing someone into one label and giving hope for security.
Read this book if:
- You are an adult
- Have a desire to learn more about your own or partner’s attachment style
- Want to find more security and stability in your adult relationships
Heller, D. P. (2019). The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships. Boulder, CO: Sounds True.
“What We Say Matters” by Judith Hanson Lasater and Ike Lasater is based on Marshall Rosenberg’s techniques of “Non-Violent Communication.” Ike and Judith describe their practice of NVC as spiritual in nature as a way to connect to ourselves first and then to others. For them it’s a way to practice “Satya”(a Yama of Yoga Philosophy meaning truthfulness” and “Right Speech” from Buddhism.
“My words reflect my thoughts, my thoughts reflect my beliefs, and my beliefs, especially the unexamined ones, run my world.”
The basic concepts of NVC are: make observations, name your feelings, express your needs, and make a request. They do a good bit of work around connecting to yourself with empathy before responding as a way to be authentic with your needs, and wishes. The recommend using the phrase, “when I hear____, I feel____, because I need____; would you be willing to____? The book ends with a chapter on talking to our partners, children, parents, coworkers, and the world.
I have studied Yoga with Judith many times and have always admired the way she uses her words which inspired me to read this book. It’s a relatively short book but heavy with material. I feel as if I took in a lot of information and will need to read this several more times. I recently purchased Rosenberg’s book “Non-Violent Communication” as a way to dive deeper into this practice.
Read this book if:
- You are interested in communicating more authentically
- Have a desire to hear others more empathetically
- Want improved relationships
Lasater, J., & Lasater, I. (2009). What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication. Berkeley, CA: Rodmell Press.
Isn’t this the best title ever? Who wouldn’t want to read this one? Jen Sincero does a great job in this book making the reader feel like they can accomplish any goal they set out to do. The goal could be anything from career, family, relationship, or lifestyle related. She brings personal stories, easy-to-digest chapters, and exercises to help the reader.
Sincero explores everything from our Ego, negative self-talk, and ingrained beliefs that get in the way of achieving our goals to loving and empowering yourself and just going for it no matter what roadblocks you encounter. She discussing aligning your vibration with others who are similar in order to make things happen for yourself.
Remember, everything you desire is right here, right now. You just have to shift your perception in order to see it made manifest.
I have now read this book 2 times and know that I will read it again in the future. I think it’s a great motivational book for anyone, especially if you are taking on a new goal. I personally loved the chapter on fear as well as money. The first time I read the chapter on money, it shifted things so much for me and the second time, it just reinforced the changes I made prior. She has a book all about money that I plan on reading soon.
Read this book if:
- You are setting new goals for yourself
- Finding yourself needing some more motivation
- Struggled with goals in the past
Sincero, J. (2017). You are a badass. Philadelphia: Running Press.
“The Little Prince” by Antoine De Saint-Exupery is a sweet fable of a pilot who crashes in the desert and runs into a young boy who tells of his story of the asteroid where he lives and the other asteroids he has visited inhabited by a single adult. Each asteroid that he visits he gets to know the adult and their ridiculous idiosyncrasies such as the King who demands obedience but has no subjects and the narcissist who so desperately wants to be admired. The Prince tells of the Rose on his planet who he fell in love with but had to leave due to her vain. While exploring Earth together, the pilot learns the lessons the child has to offer such as openness and curiosity. Together they run into a fox who teaches an important lesson of relationships and love. When the lessons are learned, the prince allows a snake he meets to bite him in order to return him to his asteroid to be with his rose.
“The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.”
This book is delightful in its simplicity but also a great reminder of how serious we take life and ourselves as adults. We oftentimes miss the point entirely as we are wrapped up in ourselves and our roles. We miss, forget, or take for granted the relationships we have established. We are quick to judgment about others and are too focused on the mind and how we think. We forget about our feelings.
This book will not take up much of your time but can be quite impactful. It’s filled with illustrations on just about every page. As a bonus, a movie version is available on Netflix here. I was surprised that the movie version was not just about the story Saint-Exupery writes but an even sweeter relationship between the pilot and his young neighbor.
Read this book if:
- You are in need of a reminder of the innocence, curiosity, and wisdom that children hold
- In the mood for a endearing fable
Saint-Exupéry, A. D. (2018). The Little Prince. NY, NY: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company.