“The Power of Attachment” by Diane Poole Heller examines the four attachment styles that we fall into and how they play out in our adult significant relationships. She dedicates an entire to the, as she calls it “attachment adaptations;” secure, avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized. Each chapter is full of clear descriptions, origins of the style from childhood, vignettes, and exercises. Most of the exercises have a visualization component to them. The last chapter describes what a securely attached couple exhibits as well as how to work with the insecure styles to create more security.
“We’re hardwired for secure attachment, we have the equipment. Deep down, all of us are designed for intimacy, connection, awareness, and love.”
I’ve previous read “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment” and really enjoyed the content. After reading this one, I prefer it over the other, although, Heller references the work of the authors in “Attached” many times. I preferred this one as it goes deeper into the origins of the attachment styles and explores “disorganized attachment” whereas the previous book did not. I feel as if the exercises in this book will give the reader tangible ways to find more security in relationships as well as hope. Heller seems to be very mindful of not boxing someone into one label and giving hope for security.
Read this book if:
- You are an adult
- Have a desire to learn more about your own or partner’s attachment style
- Want to find more security and stability in your adult relationships
Heller, D. P. (2019). The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships. Boulder, CO: Sounds True.