“The Power of Attachment” by Diane Poole Heller examines the four attachment styles that we fall into and how they play out in our adult significant relationships. She dedicates an entire to the, as she calls it “attachment adaptations;” secure, avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized. Each chapter is full of clear descriptions, origins of the style from childhood, vignettes, and exercises. Most of the exercises have a visualization component to them. The last chapter describes what a securely attached couple exhibits as well as how to work with the insecure styles to create more security.
“We’re hardwired for secure attachment, we have the equipment. Deep down, all of us are designed for intimacy, connection, awareness, and love.”
I’ve previous read “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment” and really enjoyed the content. After reading this one, I prefer it over the other, although, Heller references the work of the authors in “Attached” many times. I preferred this one as it goes deeper into the origins of the attachment styles and explores “disorganized attachment” whereas the previous book did not. I feel as if the exercises in this book will give the reader tangible ways to find more security in relationships as well as hope. Heller seems to be very mindful of not boxing someone into one label and giving hope for security.
Read this book if:
You are an adult
Have a desire to learn more about your own or partner’s attachment style
Want to find more security and stability in your adult relationships
“The Little Prince” by Antoine De Saint-Exupery is a sweet fable of a pilot who crashes in the desert and runs into a young boy who tells of his story of the asteroid where he lives and the other asteroids he has visited inhabited by a single adult. Each asteroid that he visits he gets to know the adult and their ridiculous idiosyncrasies such as the King who demands obedience but has no subjects and the narcissist who so desperately wants to be admired. The Prince tells of the Rose on his planet who he fell in love with but had to leave due to her vain. While exploring Earth together, the pilot learns the lessons the child has to offer such as openness and curiosity. Together they run into a fox who teaches an important lesson of relationships and love. When the lessons are learned, the prince allows a snake he meets to bite him in order to return him to his asteroid to be with his rose.
“The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.”
This book is delightful in its simplicity but also a great reminder of how serious we take life and ourselves as adults. We oftentimes miss the point entirely as we are wrapped up in ourselves and our roles. We miss, forget, or take for granted the relationships we have established. We are quick to judgment about others and are too focused on the mind and how we think. We forget about our feelings.
This book will not take up much of your time but can be quite impactful. It’s filled with illustrations on just about every page. As a bonus, a movie version is available on Netflix here. I was surprised that the movie version was not just about the story Saint-Exupery writes but an even sweeter relationship between the pilot and his young neighbor.
Read this book if:
You are in need of a reminder of the innocence, curiosity, and wisdom that children hold
I began to develop this idea 2 years ago after I received a basket full of Christmas goodies and had no foreseeable use for the basket. So the “Cool Down Basket” was born! As an Outpatient Therapist, I regularly meet with people who are anxious in my office and need something to take the edge off or children who benefit from practicing various coping mechanisms with me to use at home or school. Parents come to me as well for assistance in helping their child with emotional regulation. The “Cool Down Basket” is perfect, fun, and soothing for all ages!
Start off with a basket, box, or other container to put the items in. Fill it with various “fiddle toys” that you can find at the dollar, party, cheesy touristy, or toy store. I have found many items online at Trainer’s Warehouse or Amazon. For those children who like to draw, include a piece of paper and some markers. The “Calm Down Jar” is all over Pinterest. For children, I suggest making it out of a plastic bottle and hot glue the top on to avoid colored glitter water from getting all over the place! Making your own items or having your child create something for the basket keeps it personal.
Some staples for any basket include:
A stress ball
“Calm Down Jar”
Pinwheel(to practice deep breaths)
Random squishy things
and who doesn’t love “Bug-Eye Bob?”
This idea can translate to a smaller version for the car or school. Therapists can create a similar one for their office and what adult doesn’t like to have a fiddle toy or two on their desk for those stressful days?? Most of all, be creative, have fun, and “cool down!”