“The Power of Attachment” by Diane Poole Heller examines the four attachment styles that we fall into and how they play out in our adult significant relationships. She dedicates an entire to the, as she calls it “attachment adaptations;” secure, avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized. Each chapter is full of clear descriptions, origins of the style from childhood, vignettes, and exercises. Most of the exercises have a visualization component to them. The last chapter describes what a securely attached couple exhibits as well as how to work with the insecure styles to create more security.
“We’re hardwired for secure attachment, we have the equipment. Deep down, all of us are designed for intimacy, connection, awareness, and love.”
I’ve previous read “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment” and really enjoyed the content. After reading this one, I prefer it over the other, although, Heller references the work of the authors in “Attached” many times. I preferred this one as it goes deeper into the origins of the attachment styles and explores “disorganized attachment” whereas the previous book did not. I feel as if the exercises in this book will give the reader tangible ways to find more security in relationships as well as hope. Heller seems to be very mindful of not boxing someone into one label and giving hope for security.
Read this book if:
You are an adult
Have a desire to learn more about your own or partner’s attachment style
Want to find more security and stability in your adult relationships
“The Little Prince” by Antoine De Saint-Exupery is a sweet fable of a pilot who crashes in the desert and runs into a young boy who tells of his story of the asteroid where he lives and the other asteroids he has visited inhabited by a single adult. Each asteroid that he visits he gets to know the adult and their ridiculous idiosyncrasies such as the King who demands obedience but has no subjects and the narcissist who so desperately wants to be admired. The Prince tells of the Rose on his planet who he fell in love with but had to leave due to her vain. While exploring Earth together, the pilot learns the lessons the child has to offer such as openness and curiosity. Together they run into a fox who teaches an important lesson of relationships and love. When the lessons are learned, the prince allows a snake he meets to bite him in order to return him to his asteroid to be with his rose.
“The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.”
This book is delightful in its simplicity but also a great reminder of how serious we take life and ourselves as adults. We oftentimes miss the point entirely as we are wrapped up in ourselves and our roles. We miss, forget, or take for granted the relationships we have established. We are quick to judgment about others and are too focused on the mind and how we think. We forget about our feelings.
This book will not take up much of your time but can be quite impactful. It’s filled with illustrations on just about every page. As a bonus, a movie version is available on Netflix here. I was surprised that the movie version was not just about the story Saint-Exupery writes but an even sweeter relationship between the pilot and his young neighbor.
Read this book if:
You are in need of a reminder of the innocence, curiosity, and wisdom that children hold